Four Months Old!

Four months. Wow, how the time has flown.

As I look back over the life of the precious boy sleeping next to me, I realize that I can no longer remember a time when he wasn't around. I will remember something from a year ago, and realize that Miles wasn't there, and for just a second, I will wonder who I left him with - did Stacey come and baby-sit? Then, I realize: he wasn't here, yet. It seems impossible that this little person didn't exist before September.

I still clearly remember the moment of his birth. I remember the indescribable joy of meeting him for the first time. But surely, that couldn't have been only four months ago? And yet, it couldn't have been four months ago already?

We live in a state that Patrick refers to as "the eternal now". We cannot fathom a time when things were other than they are, nor a time when they will be other than they are. Sure, we remember a time when Miles didn't smile, laugh, coo, try to sit on his own, but that has been ages ago. Surely, that cannot have been only four months ago? Yes, of course there was a time when Miles didn't wake me in the morning with that heart-breaking smile that says, "Good morning, Mommy! I'm so happy to see you!!!" And yet, I can hardly remember it. And if I were entirely honest, I don't want to.

Because meeting Miles, becoming his Mommy, has introduced me to a kind of love I didn't know existed. A love that is as deep as any other I've ever known, but is equal parts affection, joy, and protection. A love that was instant, and is eternal. A love that fills me every time I think of his little bald head,* his bright blue eyes, his tiny fingers and toes. His dimple. It is impossible that this perfect little person was not part of our lives, a mere four months ago.

And I realize that, somehow, Miles has always been a part of our lives. We just didn't know it, yet.

*He's not bald - his hair is just really short, and really blonde! :)

Self-Indulgence

I know you only came here to read about Miles, but since it's my blog, I'm going to write about me for a change. :)

So far, this trying to do it all is working, but I'm exhausted. When I work, I divide my time between trying to finish twice as much in half the time and taking care of Miles. So far, our workload has been kinda light, but I'm not sure how long that will last. When I'm at home, I am juggling Miles, cleaning the house, helping out Patrick, and trying to carve out a bit of "me" time. I've also taken on a theater project, which is incredibly exciting, but a little daunting, as well. Especially once our Festival season gets up and running. To be perfectly honest, there are days when I feel totally overwhelmed.

Today is not one of those days. Today, I feel capable of taking over the world, of having it all. Today, I think I may just be able to pull off this whole Mommy-on-the-go thing.

Which is good, since there's no turning back now! :)

And the most surprising thing of all: I LOVE my life right now. Even when I feel overwhelmed, I cannot imagine being happier than I am at this moment. I have a comfortable home, a job I adore, friends who are always there for me, a husband who is loving and supportive beyond measure, a son whose smile takes my breath away.

. . . a son who is waking up. Time to go and drink him in while he's awake. :)

Mommy's Little Helper

Day 2 of work this week. Re-arranged my office so we could put the playpen in it. Miles slept and played, and generally distracted everyone with his cuteness.

Then, we went to Dance Class. He slept and played, and generally distracted everyone with his cuteness.

Noticing a pattern?

I've noticed that Miles is much happier overall and is less fussy when we are out and about. Perhaps he is bored by staying home?

Anyway, Mommy worked all day and then danced and is now exhausted. That is all. :)

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's Off to Work We Go . . .

Yeah, no posts this weekend - it was just too busy! :)

Exciting news: Miles rolled from his back to his tummy yesterday!!! I think he did it on accident, honestly. He was playing on the floor at the office yesterday, rolling up onto his side, then back onto his back. Back and forth. One time, he just rolled all the way over. He landed on his tummy, gave a short, angry cry of indignation, then flipped himself back over. Had I not happened to look over at just the right time, I would have missed it altogether. I'm just waiting for him to discover that he could possibly get around by rolling over and over.

At this rate, he'll be walking before Memorial Day. ;)

As you might have noticed, we went to work yesterday. Krista and Jal were there to help us get a mailing out, so Miles spent very little time not being held by someone. He was an angel, and played quietly while we worked. Tomorrow, we will be rearranging my office to find room to put up his playpen.

So far, so good! :)

Sleep Success!!!!!!!

Lack of naps yesterday + eating constantly = Miles slept through the night!!! He fell asleep in his car seat around 10:30. We got home around 11:00, and I took him out changed his diaper, and put him in his sleep sack in his bassinet. I realized I had forgotten the pacifier, but by the time I returned with it, he was already out cold. :) He fussed around 5:00, but went right back to sleep, and slept until 9:00 am! I'm starting to feel human again!

Nap-Free

I have been waiting all day for five minutes to type something up. No luck yet. Miles has had 3 naps today: 20 minutes at 11:00, 45 minutes while I was shopping, and 20 minutes on my chest at around 3:30.

He hasn't been particularly fussy, or anything. Just. . . awake. Even though I can see in his little red-rimmed eyes that he is exhausted. But, there is too much fun stuff going on, I guess.

Even now, as I write this, he is awake, playing in his bouncer, though he started rubbing his eyes over an hour and a half ago. He was nearly asleep when I laid him in his crib, but he quickly decided he was hungry. He was nearly asleep when he finished his bottle, but he quickly found that the crib slats were incredible fun to play with. He was almost asleep on my lap again, until the dog moved, and that was fascinating.

Now, he's talking to the flower toy on his bouncer, doing everything he can to keep himself awake.

Oh, well, maybe that means he'll sleep tonight?

Need coffee........

Ugh, I'm tired. . . .

Miles has apparently decided that sleep is for the weak.

Well, son, Mommy is weak. Please let her sleep.

For some reason, he decided that he needed to be awake every hour and a half last night. Except between 3:00 and 4:30, when he just decided to whine to keep himself up the entire time. There was nothing wrong, no signs that he had anything to whine about. But every time his eyes would start to droop even a little, he'd start flailing his arms, making this "uhhhhaaahhh" whine to wake himself back up.

I expected the first few weeks to be bad, but instead, he slept for four hour stretches from the time he came home from the hospital. By eight weeks, he was sleeping through the night, solid blocks of eight to ten hours. I started to think I could handle motherhood.

Now, he's sleeping like I expected him to as a newborn - waking constantly, rarely needing anything.

Except, not really. Because the night before last, he slept straight through without a problem. And yesterday, he had two really good naps, and several shorter ones, as he has for weeks, now.

Someone told me the other day to "sleep when he sleeps." I have, of course, heard this, and have taken it to heart. Unfortunately, the last time I tried to nap with him, I woke to him literally screaming in my ear, so it wasn't terribly restful.

Thank goodness for Patrick, who helped me through the night, then made me coffee this morning. I have the most awesomest husband ever. :)

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go finish the pot of coffee so I can manage to keep up with my son . . . :)