Dear Miles,

In nine days, you will be 22 months old.  Two months from being 2 years old.

I can no longer pretend that you're still my baby.  You are a toddler, with goals, and opinions, and desires all your own.  And you are beginning to be able to communicate those to us (sometimes slow-witted) adults.  And when we correctly interpret your latest word, you smile and wrinkle your nose, and bounce up and down, and clap for us, celebrating our success.

These moments are flying by so quickly.  One day, you are grunting and pointing, and the next, you are clearly stating what you want.  You are acquiring new words so quickly that I can no longer keep up with recording them, as I have done for so long.

You are fascinated with the alphabet.  You have already begun to point out the letters and name them, and you even know the sounds that some of them make.  My heart swells with pride when you point at H and say, "Ayychh. Huh" or at X, saying "Eck!"  And you definitely know the letter M, the mmmmm that begins your name.  And speaking of your name, when someone asks, "Where's Miles?" you have started to point at yourself, grinning at the silly person who had to ask.

In the car, you have begun to recognize where we are going.  On our way to work, you say, "Mama wuk".  If we go see Daddy for lunch, you say, "Daddy!  Daddy wuk!" (You also explain to me that "Daddy wuk" when he is not at home).  When we go to Aunt Ninell's house, you get all excited and start clapping.

And you're beginning to understand humor.  This morning, as I was changing your diaper, you said, "Mama" and then a word that sounded kinda like "duck".  I said, "Mommy's a duck?" and you giggled hysterically.  And you fall over laughing when the bird explodes in Shrek.

In short, you are amazing.  You are growing and changing so quickly, and it is a true joy to watch you.

I love you, with all of my heart.
-Mommy

Dear Miles,

It's been a little while since I last wrote to you.  I wish I had a good explanation for you as to why, but suffice it to say that I just . . . haven't.

I hope you know, when you read this someday, that everything I've written here is for you.  Not everything is addressed to you, and not everything is about you.  But it is all for you.  So that one day, when you are tempted to believe that I do not love you because of some argument we've had or some issue we disagree upon, then, you may look to all that I have written, and know that I love you more than I could ever tell you.  So much so that the thought of you being angry with me someday has brought tears to my eyes, even imagining it.  You are my world, you and that amazing father of yours.  My world revolves around making the two of you happy.

I am in a contemplative mood as I write this, tonight, on the eve of the seventeen-month anniversary of your birth.  The day has been cool, though not as cold as it has been recently.  The fog of this morning gave way to an early thunderstorm this evening.  As you splashed in your bath tonight, the thunder boomed outside, and you growled back at it, reveling in the conversation you were having with Mother Nature herself.

And that moment described you in such perfect detail.  You are unafraid of the world - in fact, you view it as your playground.  One giant world, meant to be climbed, and stomped on, and growled at.  You take such delight in it all.  Giggling at the dog when he licks your face. Squealing with joy when someone laughs at your antics.  Bursting out with a jubilant "Hi!" whenever someone new appears.  You view the world with such utter exuberance, that it is impossible to be unhappy around you.

Until, of course, the storm clouds appear on your face.  Every once in awhile, something upsets you, or frustrates you, and you let the world know.  Your screams of anguish when you hear the dreaded, "No" could bring any trained soldier to his knees.  Your sad little pouty face, and the tears you squeeze out when you cannot express yourself fully break my heart.  Everything you do, you do it big.

Tonight, as I rocked you to sleep, I suddenly realized that your little body has long since outgrown my arms.  Sure, you can fold yourself up until you still fit perfectly on my chest, but when you decide to stretch, your head resting on my shoulder, your feet drape over my hips.  I laughed when I realized I now have to wear you like a Miss America sash, just so you will fit comfortably.

I could go on and on about your accomplishments, your amazing feats of athleticism and intellectualism combining to make you the most amazing toddler that ever lived.  But I already do that.  Every day, on this blog.

So, instead, I will leave you with this, my wonderful son:

I love you, all the way to the moon - 

and back.

Love,
Mommy

Dear Miles

Dear Miles,

One year old.

Even as I type it, I can hardly believe it. It has been an entire year since you were born. A year that seemed very long at times, and now seems to have flown by in the blink of an eye. A year of frustration and exhaustion. A year of joy and exultation. A year of milestones, smiles, tears, and every emotion in between.

The biggest thing that strikes me as I look back over this year is the miracle of you. Two years ago, you were nothing but a dream. You did not exist. Then, in February, when I found out about you, you were microscopically small. By September, you were 8 lbs. 0.6 oz - in nine months, you had grown from a few cells into a complete human. And now, a year later, you have transformed once more from a helpless newborn into a toddler with a personality, wants and ideas that are all your own. You are a miracle, never forget that. All babies are miracles. It is so easy to forget that, when babies surround us all the time, but you are a miracle. A miracle who means more to me than I would have ever known possible.

You walk. You chatter. You eat regular, grown-up food. You dance any time you hear a beat you like. You spin a mini-staff, just like the big gypsies. You growl in the back of your throat when you're frustrated, just like me. You get a mischievous grin every time you are planning something, just like your Daddy. You give hugs and kisses. You scream when we tell you "No". You go to bed all on your own, now. You trip and fall, and then laugh. You use sign language to ask for everything from "milk" to "music" to "up". You climb on the playground equipment, but you're scared to go down the slide unless I hold you in my lap. You make faces at the camera. You greet everyone with an enthusiastic "Hi!" and a wave. You lounge on the couch after a long day. You still hate waking up. You can get dirty faster than anyone I've ever met. Your hair never stays brushed for more than a few seconds. You love being outdoors. You like to roll around on the bed, crazily crashing over into the pillows. You 'talk' to me in the mornings, and I imagine you must be telling me of your dreams. You love tickles. And raspberries on your cheek. And whispers in your ear. And pasta, of all shapes, and with all types of sauce. You try to feed people, often by shoving a small bit of food into their mouths with your slobber-covered hands. You like to put your head on the floor and your butt in the air and giggle. Your best friend is the little boy in the mirror. One of your favorite toys is a baby doll, and you can already point out his eyes. You try to repeat everything I say. You climb everything. And once you're asleep, you could sleep through a brass band.

In short, you are beginning to show us what a wonderful little individual you are becoming. And I am loving it. :)

I love you, my Birthday Boy!

Love,
Mommy

Dear Miles,

Dear Miles,

Ten months. And so much has happened. Such a short amount of time, and yet, long enough for our world to change entirely.

In the past few weeks, so much has changed in our world. Work has become an everyday occurrence, rather than an occasional one. Our weekends have become very hectic and full, where previously they had been rather sedate and low-key. The pace of the Festival has become frenetic and constant, and as a result, I have had much less time to spend playing with you than I would like.

And, of course, Grandma Joy passed away. You barely knew her, but trust me when I tell you that you and she formed a very special bond in her last few days. She adored you. And you were so entirely calm in her presence. I will always look back on those moments and be proud of you.

Life is different, certainly, but as ever, you are taking it all in stride. You start each day by leaning your soft little cheek against mine, a habit you started in your earliest days. You always have a smile for those you know, and a show for those you want to impress. You have started 'cheesing' for people to get attention. You crawl around the office looking for someone you can show off for.

And everyone loves you. When we don't go to the office for a day, I get phone calls asking when you are returning. Uncle Jim says you brighten his day and keep him going - this from someone I had always thought of as a grumpy old man before he met you. Jillian loves to let you steal her glasses from her face. Karla buys you gifts and calls you her boyfriend.

But some days, I think you are most important to your Papo. Even on the worst days, you bring him happiness. On days when nothing seems to be going right, he still looks fondly at you. On days when the stress of it all brings him to tears, you are there, bringing him smiles. And on days when all he wants to do is yell, his voice becomes soft and playful when he speaks to you.

You are, as ever, our sunshine. And we all love you for it. I am so proud to call you mine.

Love, always,

Mommy

Dear Miles,

Dear Miles,

Congratulations, my little Monster. You have now been in the world longer than you were in my belly. And you are a whole Nine Months Old (as of yesterday)!

As I write this, you are playing at my feet, using a plastic spoon to tap out a rhythm on my chair legs, and playing with an empty box. You have become very good at sitting and playing by yourself, but you still want the comfort of knowing that Mommy is nearby.

Your personality shines brighter and brighter by the day. You are inquisitive, and happy, and ornery. One minute you will be examining a small bit of chainmail, lifting it up and dropping it to see how it moves, and to listen to how it sounds on different surfaces. Your little eyebrows knit in concentration, trying to figure it all out. The next moment you are standing up, bouncing and clapping your hands to a song on the radio. Then, you're climbing into my lap, only to lick my forehead and climb back down, smiling that mischievous smile you've inherited from your daddy. You smile all the time, and you seem determined to make everyone else smile, too.

Soon, I know, you'll be talking up a storm, and running all over creation. Already, I find it difficult to keep up with you. At the office, Erica has started coming to play with you so I can actually work. At home, I usually find myself waiting for naps to do anything. In fact, I've had to stop and start this letter many times, so I could pull you out of whatever trouble you are trying to get into.

You are getting to spend lots of time with Daddy, now. Mommy is back in the Renaissance Festival for a third year, so Daddy chose to stay home in the evenings with you. I come home to hear tells of wild crawling chases across the living room, and soft cuddles and singing before bedtime. One thing is certain, though: you seem to LOVE this time. And Daddy loves it, too.

My sweet, mischievous little Monster; I Love You. You bring such joy to my life every day.

Love, always,

Mommy

Dear Miles,

Dear Miles,

My darling boy, I am running out of ways to start these letters to you. Every month, I begin by commenting on how big you are, and every month, I look back and realize how tiny you were before. This month is no different. So, please forgive the broken record, but you really are getting bigger every day. And smarter. And more mobile.

Over the course of this past month, you have indeed mastered the art of crawling. No longer is it a tentative attempt at movement from the couch to the table. Now, you crawl from one end of the apartment to the other, all day long. When we go to the office, I have to come and catch you before you crawl out of sight. And I have to be extra careful with that, because you move fast. More than once, I have put you down to fix a bottle, only to turn around and find you across the room from where I left you. In a matter of seconds.

The good news here is that you are so much happier now that you are mobile. You've always been a happy baby, but you used to become so frustrated when we walked away from you, even for a moment. Now, you simply go where you want to, and you are loving the freedom. You are laughing more readily, and more often. You love dashing after Daddy when he leaves the room. And when you catch him, you grab him and smile, as if to say, "Gotcha!"

And from the sound of it, it won't be long before you actually say such things. You've long made noises that sound like "Mama" and "Dada", and even use them in the correct context more often than not. In the past week, you've added the word "Hi!" which you use often to greet your favorite people, or simply to announce your presence. It won't be long before you're talking. And if I know you, you'll be walking soon, too.

I look back now at pictures of you as a newborn, and I can hardly believe that was you. You were so tiny, so helpless. You relied on us for everything. Already, you are beginning to find independence in little things. You now go where you want to go. You pull out the toys you want to play with. You crawl to us when you want comfort. You sign to us when you want "milk" (or sometimes "more milk") or when you need changed. In eight short months, you have grown so much, learned so much. And I know that you will continue to learn and grow just as fast in the next few months.

I love you, my little Miles-Monster. With all of my heart. I hope I show you that every single day.

I am so blessed, and so lucky, to be your mother.

Love,

Mommy

Dear Miles,

Dear Miles,

I love you, my perfect, handsome son. You amaze me day by day, and your smile brightens my world. When you are sad, my heart breaks, and when you are happy, I am filled with such joy as I have never known. In the past seven months, you have brought me more happiness than I could have thought possible.

You are getting so big. And so strong! When you want something, you go for it, even if I am holding you three feet off of the ground. Sometimes, when you struggle, I have to sit down or risk dropping you. You are so determined to get what you want, and now you're beginning to have the strength to back it up.

You have inherited your mother's stubborn streak. When you set your mind to something, you will fight until either you get what you want, or you fall asleep from sheer exhaustion. I foresee many epic battles of will between the two of us, and I know I will find this characteristic of yours trying at times. If I were to be entirely honest, I already do find it trying at times. Yet, when I have a quiet moment to contemplate it, like now, I realize that I love this about you. You are going to be a person who will fight for what you want, never stopping until you've achieved your objective. And I trust, with time, you will learn to temper that with an understanding of what is worth fighting for, and what is better left alone. For now, though, I am just happy to have a child who is so determined.

This determination also shows up in your desire to make people happy. Anytime that someone seems unhappy in any way, you study them, and I can see you thinking. After a few seconds, you catch their attention, and flash them a huge smile. Or you blow a raspberry and laugh. Or you just reach out, and pat their hand with your tiny fingers as if to say, "It's ok. I'm here." Regardless, no one can resist your wide blue eyes, and before long, they are smiling. People at the office actually take breaks throughout the day to come and play with you, and Maestro continues to call you the "bright spot in our world." When you are happy, the world is happy.

My dear, sweet little man; I love you, more than I could ever say. I look forward to each day that I get to spend with you, and I thank God every night that He sent you to me. And I know that whatever else I may do in this life, nothing will ever be better than you. You are my little dinosaur, my monster, my son. I love you.

Love,

Mommy

Dear Miles,

Dear Miles,

I don't know how to begin this letter. I hate to always start with "I can't believe how big you're getting," but it's true. I can't. You are six months old. It has been six entire months since I met you. I look back on pictures of you in the hospital, and I cannot fathom how that tiny baby has become the big boy I see today.

This month has been an exciting one for us. You learned to sit up, all by yourself. You are beginning to become frustrated that you cannot move on your own, yet. You began pulling yourself up into a standing position. Some days, I am certain you will walk before you crawl. Other days, you are playing on the floor, and I can see that you are so close to crawling. Whatever happens, it won't be long before you are on the move. And I'm not sure if I'm ready for that, yet. I thought I'd have plenty of time to baby-proof our apartment, and then one day, I looked up and realized that I have to do it soon. Tables will have to be cleared. Outlets will have to be covered. Dangerous objects will have to be put up high, or in drawers or cabinets with baby locks. How is it that my tiny, helpless newborn is already starting to pull things off of the counters when he's held too close?

This month has also been a busy one for us. Monday nights, we usually go to dinner with our Festival family. Tuesdays we spend gaming with friends. Wednesdays are rehearsals. Thursdays are for Shakespeare. Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays we sometimes get to spend at home with Daddy, but not always. And three or four days a week, we go to work. It's a whirlwind life that we lead, and you hardly ever complain. In fact, you seem to enjoy being on the go, and are often happier when we are busy than when we stay at home.

Day by day, I am getting to know you, learning more and more about your personality. And day by day, I am proud of what I see. You truly love everyone you meet. You will happily go play with anyone, and you have a special smile that you reserve for your favorite people. You smile at your Daddy, and stare at him with wide eyes when he talks to you. You get excited and jump up and down when Stacey walks in the door. You have a soft smile and a warm cuddle ready when you see Portia. You laugh hysterically when your Papo plays with you at the office. You know exactly how to make each person happy. Papo describes you as the bright spot in our world, and though our world is pretty wonderful, he is right. You are the bright spot. You are the one who brings sunshine into the rainiest of days.

My wonderful, dear little monster. I love you, more than you know. You have changed my world in so many ways. And even though I am sometimes overwhelmed by our crazy, whirlwind life, I would never change a second of it, because I get to be with you. You are the best thing I've ever done in my entire life.

I love you, Stink.

Love,

Mommy

5 Months Old

Dear Miles,

I cannot fathom how you are five months old, already. How it has already been five months since I met you? Five months since I held you for the first time? Five months since my world changed forever?

As I type this, you are playing with your Daddy - quite possibly your favorite person. Though, in all honesty, it is hard to tell. Every time you see someone you recognize, you give them a smile that is only for them, a smile that says, "Yay! It's my favorite person in the whole world!" It's the smile that has won over everyone who has ever met you. You truly love everyone, and so, in return, everyone cannot help but love you. It is my greatest hope that you will retain this quality as you grow - that you will always show love to those around you.

This month has been a hard one for your mommy. You stopped sleeping through the night. You started solid foods. You began crying out of boredom, something you've never done before. You had your first cold. You are showing all of the signs of teething, but no teeth have actually appeared. Yes, as much as I hate to admit it, this month has been difficult for me. I'm not sure you have even noticed, though. You have been too busy learning new tricks, whizzing through milestones, watching everything, trying to take it all in. You are becoming more and more aware by the day, and more and more sure of your movements. You are beginning to understand that there is a way you may be able to move all on your own, soon, and you get so frustrated sometimes that it is so difficult to figure out. You are learning to sit up by yourself, though you still lose your balance from time to time. In short, new things are coming at a rapid pace, and Mommy is having a hard time keeping up!

Mostly, though, Mommy is baffled by your growth. Wasn't it only yesterday that you were sleeping twenty hours a day? Only a few days ago that you learned to smile? Only last week that you were born? The time has passed so quickly, and though I am excited that you are growing and learning, and interacting, I am a little afraid of how quickly these months have passed. If these past five months have flown so fast, what of the next five? Before I know it, you will be a year old. Then two. Then five. Ten. Sixteen. Grown.

And that thought makes me want to cry. But instead, I hold you close, enjoy your smiles, celebrate your milestones, breathe in the wonder of you while I can. Because as scary as it is, I am glad you are growing and learning. I am glad that you are developing as you should, even if it seems to come rapidly. Because that means that you are healthy, and there is nothing more I could ask for you.

I hope you someday can fathom how much I love you. It is truly beyond words, though I hope you feel it everyday of your life.

With all my love,

Mommy