Bad Mommy Mondays

1. I occasionally refer to Miles as "my kid".  Apparently, it is just rude.  Also, I should no longer call him "The Boy".  His real name, "my son", "my child", or "my darling son" are all acceptable terms, however.
2. I have swatted 'my kid' on his bum on occasion already.  Sometimes, Miles repeatedly does something that could result in serious harm (i.e. climbing on tables, pulling out the socket covers*, etc.), and nothing I can say or do will distract him.  However, a light tap on his hiney usually stops him.  Apparently, this makes me a horrible, illogical mother who is going to psychologically scar my child for life.  Never mind the fact that his continued disobedience would result in real harm to him.  Obviously random internet-strangers know more about how to discipline my kid than I do.
3. As a corollary to #2, however, I did not begin spanking my child "hard, on the ass" at the age of six months.  Apparently, my reluctance to spank a child who is too young to really understand discipline can only end in him drinking chemicals or popping pills.  I'm not even sure how these things are related, but a neighbor told me this not once, not twice, but every.single.time  I saw her.  In fact, I'm pretty sure she would watch for me to come outside so she could tell me this again.
4. I use sign-language with my son (who has normal hearing).  Apparently (despite all research to the contrary), this will result in a child who is reluctant to speak verbally.  The lovely lady who said this also stated that she would never use sign language with her kids because she found it, "annoying" and "creepy".
5. I listen to my own music rather than always listening to stuff that has been deemed "kid-friendly" by whoever decides these things.  That being said, one of my current favorite songs is "Philadelphia Chickens".
6. My toddler throws temper tantrums from time to time.  Occasionally, this happens in public.  It doesn't mean that I 'need to deal with my kid'.  It means he's a toddler, and these things happen.  If you're that concerned, you could offer to help.  Otherwise, you can stop staring and move to another aisle.  And if I overhear your comment, and respond to it, at least have the decency to call me something more original than 'bitch'.
7. I have a potty mouth.  Oops.
8. I brag about my son.  A lot.  Apparently, this is annoying. (Not sure if that makes me a bad mommy, or just a bad human being.  Meh.)  Unfortunately for you, I happen to have birthed the most amazing human ever, so it's impossible to stop bragging.  Deal.
9. I may or may not have sprayed my son with water in an attempt to discourage him from climbing the television.  I learned that the water squirter only works on the dog.  Yet another form of discipline that did not dissuade Miles from climbing the television. (I should note that no one called me a bad mother for this one - yet.)
10. I cater to my child's "idiosyncrasies".  Apparently, I am only making them worse.  Unfortunately, the term "idiosyncrasies" was never qualified beyond that, so I'm not actually certain what I'm making worse.  I would like to point out, however, that I did not punch this person in the face (or anywhere else) for saying such things in a derogatory tone about my kid.  In retrospect, I wish I had . . .

*Yep, he does this.  Scary, no?