Normal

For eighteen months, normal has been being completely overwhelmed, all the time.

Normal has been always worrying, over everything.

Normal has been feeling like everyone is judging me, all the time.

Normal has been feeling like everyone was right to judge me.

Normal has been panic attacks that have become more and more frequent, and more and more unbearable.

Not anymore.  This afternoon, I finally talked to my doctor about this.  All of those things I thought were a normal part of motherhood?  Are not.  They are the symptoms and the results of Postpartum Anxiety.

I am on my way toward a new normal.  One that does not include panic attacks, or constant insecurity.  But one that does include medications, and a diagnosis I was afraid to get.  Because it means I am not normal.

Regardless, it is my new normal.  And I am tired of hiding it.  Tired of pretending everything is normal.  It's not.  And there is nothing wrong with admitting that.