Lessons of Mommyhood

Ah, another week, another set of lessons. . .

1. A plastic golf club is quite useful for hitting small plastic golf balls.  Unfortunately, it's also quite useful for beating on cars, toys, furniture, the television, etc, etc, ad nauseum.
2. No matter how you dress a toddler, they'll still act like a toddler.  A three-piece suit does not a refined gentleman make.
3. Toddlers have no fear.  This is a good thing.  And a very, very bad thing.
4. Busy days are sometimes better days.  They leave fewer opportunities for boredom-induced tantrums.
5. Never let a toddler play with a cell phone, even for a few moments.  It will become an obsession that will result in the mauling of anything between him and his beloved phone.
6. To an adult, beds are for sleeping.  To a toddler, they're an at-home bounce house.  Without the safety features.
7. It's really not fair to bring an overtired toddler anywhere near soon-to-be first-time parents.  You may scar them for life. . . (Sorry, B and Shelby)
8. It is possible to pick up and hold a squirming, resistant toddler, but he may end up in some very strange positions.  Try not to be self-conscious about the strangers watching you carry an upside-down screaming toddler back through the store.
9. There is nothing wrong with counting the minutes until Daddy gets home.
10. No matter what, do not run out of your toddler's favorite food.  He does not understand the concept of being out of applesauce, and will be very upset when you cannot produce it from thin air.