Lessons of Mommyhood

1. Nothing in the world is cuter than watching the man you love cuddling with your child.  Nothing.
2. Mommy needs to hold everything.  For an indeterminate amount of time.
3. Modern toys are ridiculously needy.  Ignore them for thirty seconds and they start making annoying noises to get your attention.  Sometimes, this continues for ten minutes at a time.  Sledgehammers are the only cure.
4. Rocks are priceless treasure that must be protected at all cost.  Until it's time to throw them back into the rock garden.
5. Being physically incapable of completing a task does not mean that the toddler won't scream when you try to help him.
6. Some things just aren't worth the fight.  Sitting in the windowsill is one of the least dangerous things the kid attempts, so try not to freak out over it.  Besides, freak outs only encourage him to keep doing it.
7. Any stick-shaped item will become a sword, which will be used to slay the furniture, the floor, and the television.  Removing these dangerous weapons results in a meltdown, but failure to do so results in living room apocalypse.  Number 234.
8. Cups are a convenient place to store crackers.  Even cups that are half full of water.
9. Saltine crackers eventually dissolve into a strange, mushy paste, when left in water for more than a few minutes.
10. If it's hidden, the toddler will forget it exists.  Unless, of course, it's something he's not supposed to have.  Then, his memory is perfect.