Monday, September 19, 2011

Glutton for Punishment

I know, I know.  I have been using the same old excuse for over a month now.  "Festival is eating all of my time and energy, so I have no time for blogging."  I have repeatedly assured you all that it will get better soon.

I can no longer say that. . .

I have decided to assistant direct our Halloween show at the Festival.  So now, as our Festival is finally beginning to calm down a bit, I have taken on another show to fill all of that spare time.  That I don't really have.  But, I'm excited about the show, so it's worth it. . . I hope. :)

See you all in November.  Unless I somehow manage to accidentally volunteer for something else. . . :D

Monday, September 12, 2011

Because of You

One of the worst things about PPA (and, I'm sure, many other types of disorders) is how easy it can be for people to bring me down.  All it takes is an ill-timed comment, or a thoughtless response to make me want to curl in a ball and ignore the world for awhile, as I try not to wonder why nobody likes me.

Seriously, that's what it's like.  Most days, people can say anything they want, and I am fine.  I let it roll off my back like rain off a duck's back.  I assume that they are having a bad day, or try to see their point of view, and try not to be offended.

But some days, a comment strikes a nerve.  Something that wouldn't bother me any other time suddenly makes me question everything I do.  Today, it was an off-hand rant made on Facebook that made me want to cry.  I felt like giving up, and crawled into bed.

Hours later, I found words of encouragement and love from my extensive network of family and friends, each letting me know that I would be okay.  Each offered me hugs, and support, and perhaps most importantly, simply reminded me of all of my many blessings.

To each of you, to all of my cheerleaders, and supporters, and purveyors of hugs and love, thank you.  You are the reasons I will not allow myself to be ruled by this disorder.  I will fight it, and I will win.

Because of you.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Battles & Blessings


  • Short week.  Lots to accomplish.  Zero energy.  Not a fun combination.
  • Trying to carve out time to spend with my husband and my son.
  • Sleeping troubles.  For me, this time.
  • Super-clingy Miles.  Probably because we've all been so busy.
  • Super-stressed Maestro.  Nothing new. :)


  • Bits of free time.
  • Two days off this week, in return for 12 hour work days.
  • Spent at least part of every day with Miles.
  • Found a few moments to read and blog.
  • Great new book.
  • Support from family and friends, when even I didn't know I needed it.
  • Toddlerhood.  I love it.  It is awesome.  The end.
  • Re-connecting with a childhood friend.
  • Glorious weather.
  • An overall feeling of contentedness. <happy sigh>

Friday, September 9, 2011

Friday Photos!

My sleepy boy.Photo by Shelby.

Cuddled in his jacket.
Photo by Shelby.

"Help, please?"

Love that boy.

Thursday, September 8, 2011


There are times that I wonder why I bother with the Festival.  Why I spend all the time and energy on it.  Why I don't just give it up and stay home with my baby.*

And then, something happens to remind me.

Sunday, I had a rather intense encounter with someone just before the Festival was set to open.  I am still not entirely certain what I did to upset him, but before I knew it, he was two inches from my face, spraying me with saliva as he cussed me out.  With every fiber of my being struggling to maintain my cool, I asked him to leave.  When he was finally escorted away, I breathed a sigh of relief, and fought back the tears of anger that threatened to burst out of me at any moment.

Until I turned to find myself in the middle of a sea of support.  Many of my performers were there to offer me hugs.  More than a few offered physical violence upon him should he return.  I was surrounded in an instant by the love of so many people that I did not know cared so much for me.

Even now, days later, I fight back tears.  But these are tears of joy and awe at the amazing Festival family I have been blessed with.  And I know that I would do anything for them.

This is why I stay.

*Other than the fact that staying at home all the time would make us both crazy, but whatever. . .

Saturday, September 3, 2011


Today, I woke up with the sun.

I got dressed in a silence that has become so unusual as to seem almost eerie.  Patrick was sleeping. Not so much as a peep from Miles' room.  Even the dog merely yawned and rolled over as I snuck out of the room.

Today, I rode with Stacey out to the Festival site, laughing, giggling, and telling stories with my best friend as the sun rose in the grey sky.

Today, as most people were getting out of bed to begin their day, I was huddled in a little blue shack with my pile of paperwork, nursing another cup of coffee.

Today, as you read this, I am walking the Festival site, radio on, dealing with problems as they arise, helping people get the things they need to be good performers.  I will be watching shows, interacting with characters, basking in the sunshine, and reveling in the Festival that I have helped, in some small way, to create.

Today is a good day.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Daily Routine - 23 Months

Just before the opening of our Festival.

7:00 AM - Drag my butt out of bed in an attempt to brush my teeth before Miles wakes up.
7:15ish AM - Miles wakes up.  Change diaper.  Quiet time in bedroom for a few minutes.
7:30ish AM - Downstairs for breakfast (for Miles) and coffee (for Mommy).
8:00 AM - Get Mommy and Miles dressed and ready for the day.
8:30 AM - Linda picks up Miles, Mommy heads off to work.  If Mommy doesn't work, we bum around in our PJ's a little longer and watch "Em-mo!" [Elmo]
9:00 AM - If Mommy is working, Miles is running errands with Linda.  If Mommy is home, Miles and Mommy go do something fun - visit the dog park, or a museum, etc.
12:00ish - Nap for Miles.  Mommy keeps going.  After nap, lots of playtime.
5:30 - Linda drops Miles back at home.  Mommy continues to work.
7:00ish - Mommy gets home, plays with Miles, finds time to eat.
8:30 - Bedtime for Miles. Mommy works/plays until she drops.