Reasons I Am a Bad Mommy
- I chose not to nurse my son. Because I didn't want to. If that's not enough of an explanation, let's talk. Because I totally enjoy discussing my breasts with complete strangers.
- Instead, I fed him formula, which apparently, is like feeding him toxic waste.
- I did not fight the c-section. In fact, I kinda welcomed it. Oh, and I got the epidural as soon as possible.
- From early on, I have followed my child's lead. I trust he knows what he needs. (Like, no socks. . .)
- I allow my child to watch television, even though it is obviously of the devil. Just another of my selfish choices so that I can eat occasionally.
- I feed my child juice, even though it is obviously going to make him fat. It would be better for him to drink nothing at all, because juice is as bad as soda.
- I don't jump and run every time my child falls over. Which is often. Apparently, that makes me lazy. Even if he's not actually hurt. The correct (and societally-acceptable) move would be to hover over him, never allowing him the space to learn anything for himself.
- I don't always order my kid his own meal. Most times, in fact, he eats off of my plate. Apparently, I am a terrible mother who wishes to starve her child. (Interesting factoid: this happened when Miles was 7 months old, and barely eating table food at all.)
- I use a harness and leash on my son when we are out in public. Apparently, this means I think of him as a pet, rather than as a rambunctious child who would run into a crowd without thinking.
- As a family, we have incorporated Miles into our lives, we have not changed everything about our lives to fit him. Apparently, we are being selfish by 'dragging' him along. His obvious joy at leading this life is apparently only because he doesn't know any better.
*Please know that I do not think I am a Bad Mommy. I think I am a Mommy who does her best, just like every other Mommy on the planet. This list is meant to be funny. So laugh. Now. :)