Let me just state for the record that I think the term "New Year's Resolution" is way overused - most times, when someone asks for your resolutions, you list off a litany of old stand-bys, with no real intention of following through. I know. I've done it.
And then, two years ago, I chose to use the new year as an opportunity to really look at myself and evaluate what I liked and didn't like about myself. For the most part, I make no excuses, and refuse to feel guilty about the choices I make, because I know that they were the best decisions I could have made at the time, with the information I had available to me. Two years ago, however, when I took that hard look at myself, I found that I had become . . . a Bitch.
Now, not all the time. And certainly not as terrible as I could have been. But I had always prided myself on being nice to people, and giving them the benefit of the doubt as often as possible. And I wasn't doing that anymore. I tended to see faults before I saw the value in a person. I had become very judgmental about a lot of things. And honestly? I wasn't being nice. At all.
So, I made my first New Year's Resolution of my adult life.* I resolved to be nice for an entire year.
Apparently, however, God has a sense of humor, because a month after I had made that resolution, I found out I was pregnant. What ensued was one of the craziest years of my life - I assistant-directed a musical for community theater, while still assistant-directing the Festival. I had rehearsals five nights a week, and often on Saturdays. Saturday evenings were a myriad of events - all of which I was obligated to attend. Sundays turned into opportunities to promote our Festival, or the musical. And I was still working 40+ hours a week at the office. That summer, I also attended impromptu weddings for both my mother (in June) and my sister (in August), along with pre-planned weddings for two different sets of friends.
And through it all, I was hormonal and pregnant. And trying desperately to be nice, when all I really wanted was ice cream, and a few minutes peace, followed by an opportunity to beat almost everyone upside the head.
Did I mention God has a sense of humor?
Regardless, I lived through the year. I worked until three days before Miles was born. And then we were back to performing by the time he was nine days old. And through it all, I held tight to that resolution. And I made it.
But after twelve months of being as nice as possible, I decided to take a year off. I made zero resolutions at the beginning of 2010. And it felt good. :)
However, 2011 is now here, and I feel I'm ready for a new challenge. So, after far too much adieu, here are my resolutions for 2011:
- Get organized. I am so tired of not being able to find a darn thing. And I'm ready for things to move more smoothly. I will get organized this year, if it kills me. :)
- Find balance. Life is a juggling act - work is one baton, marriage another, housekeeping yet another, and on and on. When Miles was born, I expected him to add a few batons to the mix. It was more like a million. And I lost my carefully choreographed routine. I have spent a year diving to catch the batons I've dropped, each time dropping several more in the process. It is time to find a way to keep all of those batons in the air - even if that means letting go of a few of the batons I have held on to so stubbornly. Things will be changing this year, and I will find a new balance that works for all of us.
So, what about you? What are your resolutions for the year? Or do you think resolutions are dumb? What changes are you hoping to see in 2011?
*I have to specify that, because I made all sorts of resolutions as a kid. Most of them were about writing in my journal daily. And we all know how that turned out. :)
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