Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Never. That's When.

Alright, Folks.  Be prepared.  I am about to step up on my soap box.

Never ask someone when they're going to meet someone.  Or get married.  Or have a kid.  Or another kid.  It's just not nice.  I get that you're excited, and that you want them to be happy.  I understand that you can't wait to meet their perfect little bundle of joy.  I get that babies are fun.  And cute.  And precious.  I also get that they are even more fun, and cute, and precious when you can send them home.  I get it.  Really.  But, please don't ask.  Because while you are saying, "When do I get to celebrate Life's next milestone with you?", what you're also saying is, "Because your life is incomplete as it is."

This isn't a response to any one comment, or even any group of comments.  Just an overall perception that we are constantly (subconsciously) telling others how to live their lives.  Some examples that illustrate my point:

Stacey is probably one of the closest female friends I have ever had.  She is smart, funny, silly, compassionate, and generous to a fault.  She is also an integral part of our family.  She is that third person we can call on to watch Miles for a moment when there is a household job that requires two people.  She is the person who supports whatever decision I make, no matter what.  And from what I've seen, she's fairly happy in this life.  Does she want to get married and settle down?  Sure.  But she's also content with what she has right now.  And yet, her own mother continually encourages her to 'lower her standards' and 'just get married already'.  Why?  Why would someone make their own daughter feel like the life she lives isn't good enough?

Example two:
My cousin has two amazing children; an eight-year-old daughter, and a five-year-old son.  Both are well-mannered, cute as buttons, and darn near as close to perfect as any kids I've ever seen.  She is happily married, and they both have good jobs, and a comfortable home.  Yet, at Christmas last year, her mother asked when they are planning to have another.  My cousin began with, "We're not, Mom," but my aunt continued.  Finally, after a particularly long line of questioning, my cousin retorted, "Perhaps when I've grown all of my hair back and paid off my medical bills."  Yes, this mom was pressuring her daughter to have more children, mere months after she had gone into remission from cancer.

And finally, the reason this is a personal pet peeve: Miles is an only child.  He will probably remain so.  Why? Because we do not feel the need, the desire, or even the slightest inclination to have another.  So please, please, stop asking when we're going to have another.

Never.  That's when.


  1. I think the greatest thing that we ALL have within us... is the power to make others laugh! Some use teasing to make that happen. It's nothing more! We are all satisfied with Miles being your only child. But that is not going to stop us all from teasing you about it! We all love to tease >about everything<!

  2. Never...as in "never" or never as in "never for now just to shut you up!" Or never ever ever never?
    I am just kidding...I am perfectly content with your decision for Miles to be an only child! Why continue when you have perfection?
    I love you all!

  3. word. why do you think i started just screaming at people "NEVER! IM FIXED LIKE A CAT!" cause people kept asking me "when are you going to have kids? *insert gooey somewhat sympatheic tone of voice for my empty childless life*...clearly these people had never seen me around children. hahaha