The Dentist

Gah.  It sounds like the title of a horror movie, doesn't it?  Or maybe that's just me.

In any case, Miles had his first dental appointment on Wednesday.  It could have gone worse, I'm certain, but I'm having a hard time visualizing it. . .

First off, you should know that according to the dental world, I am officially the Worst Mother Ever.  Here's a list of reasons, that I remember.  There were about a hundred, so I may have forgotten a few . . .

• I waited far too long to bring Miles in to the dentist for the first time.  I should have brought him before his first birthday.  You know, back when he was even more of a Wild Man but with less ability to understand the horrors of the Dentist's office.
• I shouldn't allow Miles to eat crackers.  Like ever.  They are terrible for teeth and that alone has probably ruined his teeth for life.  Because apparently, the flour in them mixes with saliva and creates a carb-paste that sits on the teeth.  
• I should never allow Miles to have juice.  Ever.  Or anything else with sugar.  Milk and water.  That's it.  If the crackers don't kill his teeth, the juice will and I am horrible for even considering giving my child this tooth-poison.
• Straws are of the devil.  Apparently, straws cause fluid to pool under the tongue* and create greater opportunity for cavities.

And there are so many more I can't remember.  I walked out feeling terrible.  And then they handed Miles a frozen yogurt to eat on the way home.

Um. . .right.  I'm finding a non-crazy dentist, now. . . 

*Am I the only one who thinks that the dentist must be using the straw wrong if fluid is collecting under his tongue?  At the back of the mouth, maybe.  But under the tongue?  How the hell does that even work, logistically?