Hello? Police? I need to report a crime. My toddler was attacked. He has a bruise on his back, and a rash under his chin. Plus, he's been ridiculously irritable. And I think it got me, too. I'm sore all over, and my head is pounding. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it got me good.
I'm sorry? Did I see who was responsible? Of course. It was long, and lean, angry, and vengeful. It's uglier than sin, and I'm pretty sure it's responsible for a ton of crimes. If you can just catch it and incarcerate it, I'm sure the world would be a safer place. A monster like that shouldn't be allowed to roam the streets.
What's that? Was it male or female?!? How should I know? It's Tuesday. Since when do days of the week have a gender?!?
. . . . hello?. . .officer?
Damn. Not again.