Bad Mommy Mondays

1. When we go out to eat, I often get Miles a sweet iced tea if I am getting one, too.  It's the only way to ensure that I actually get to drink mine.  But please, feel free to lecture me on the sugar and caffeine content.  Because I'm a complete idiot and don't know.
2. Miles also gets to eat candy and cookies on occasion.  And by 'on occasion' I mean about once a day.  Juice doesn't seem so bad anymore, huh?
3. My 2-year-old still uses his pacifier a lot.  But, please, feel free to remove it and listen to him scream with the pain of the two-year-molars.  Just be prepared to take him elsewhere.
4. No, he isn't potty-trained yet.  No, I don't know when we will tackle that particularly pleasant task.  No, I don't need your advice on how/when/why/where to potty train.  Thank you for your input.
5. I rarely use time-out with Miles.  Because it's completely ineffective.  And when I do use it, I have to hold him down.  Please stop lecturing me on how to use time-out.  I have worked with children before and I am familiar with the concept.  I just happen to have birthed a particularly stubborn child.
6. I apologize if your child didn't want that hug and kiss.  Miles tends to be a bit . . . overzealous in his affections.
7. I apologize if your child did want a hug and kiss and was pushed away.  He's fickle.
8. Yes, I do respond to simple commands from my two-year-old.  This afternoon, I successfully managed to come, sit, carry, dance, and become a horse on command.  You call it letting him be in control.  I call it . . . yeah, who am I kidding. . .
9. My son plays with toy guns.  And swords.  And various other weapons.  You think that will make him violent?  Hmmm.  I think there are very few two-year-olds who know not to attack an unarmed person.
10. Oh, yes.  I noticed that he just jumped off of the chair.  Yes, I know it is three feet off the ground.  Yes, he probably will hurt himself at some point.  Or, he'll learn how to land on his feet without breaking his legs.  Definitely a useful life-skill.