Tomorrow marks my third Mother's Day as a mother. And to be quite honest, I'm not sure how I feel about it. Last year, I was finally coming to terms with my PPA/PPD. I spent my Mother's Day with people who are not technically related, but are, nonetheless, family.
The year before, I went on a strange tirade about spending Mother's Day with my kid. I can only chalk it up to inexperience, and frankly, I'm ashamed enough of it that I almost didn't link it. Almost.
And frankly, I'm certain that I would have had some sort of something to say this year. After all, I am finally at a point where I feel like my PPA/PPD is more or less under control. But I also understand the need to get away from your child from time to time. Even if you're a great mom. And really, I'm starting to feel like I'm figuring out this whole mom gig. Yeah, I could have done an entire post about where I am as a mom.
Instead, I'm going to ask you to spend a few moments today praying for a person that neither of us have ever met. The writer of one of my favorite blogs is having what I can only imagine is the worst Mother's Day ever. This morning, her 15-month-old passed away, after struggling since birth to learn to breathe on her own. I have been reading this blog since I first found out I was pregnant, and I have laughed and cried with this mom through all of it. Today, though, my heart is breaking for her.
So, in honor of this Mother's Day, say a little prayer for my friend, and for all mothers who have lost children.
I have chosen to respect the privacy of the mother I am speaking of, and not list her blog until she has had time to share her feelings in her own way. If you know who I am speaking of, please be mindful of her privacy at this incredibly difficult time. Thank you.
Hey! That rant was about me! (At least partly!) So why be ashamed of it? Are you ashamed of your mama? Just kidding - but really you have nothing to be ashamed of. At that time and place that is how you felt. As Miles grew, so did you. And you learned to understand that occasionally it is nice to be without your kid or kids. Nothing is wrong with that and it doesn't mean that anyone is a bad mom for feeling one way or the other. The only way that this would hurt your child is if you never spent any time with him or her at any time. Or that leaving your child for hours and hours...and hours (or even) at a time was a normal thing for you.I can't imagine you ever doing that - not even in an alternative reality. It is just not in who you are.
ReplyDeleteKeep growing...I am trying that too...and right now I am at the point in my life that I want all my kids and, now, grankids back living at home! And never leave me again! (Okay...maybe that's stretching it a bit...but I do want them all closer!) I love you and your little family and am very proud of the mother that you have become.