Four months. Wow, how the time has flown.
As I look back over the life of the precious boy sleeping next to me, I realize that I can no longer remember a time when he wasn't around. I will remember something from a year ago, and realize that Miles wasn't there, and for just a second, I will wonder who I left him with - did Stacey come and baby-sit? Then, I realize: he wasn't here, yet. It seems impossible that this little person didn't exist before September.
I still clearly remember the moment of his birth. I remember the indescribable joy of meeting him for the first time. But surely, that couldn't have been only four months ago? And yet, it couldn't have been four months ago already?
We live in a state that Patrick refers to as "the eternal now". We cannot fathom a time when things were other than they are, nor a time when they will be other than they are. Sure, we remember a time when Miles didn't smile, laugh, coo, try to sit on his own, but that has been ages ago. Surely, that cannot have been only four months ago? Yes, of course there was a time when Miles didn't wake me in the morning with that heart-breaking smile that says, "Good morning, Mommy! I'm so happy to see you!!!" And yet, I can hardly remember it. And if I were entirely honest, I don't want to.
Because meeting Miles, becoming his Mommy, has introduced me to a kind of love I didn't know existed. A love that is as deep as any other I've ever known, but is equal parts affection, joy, and protection. A love that was instant, and is eternal. A love that fills me every time I think of his little bald head,* his bright blue eyes, his tiny fingers and toes. His dimple. It is impossible that this perfect little person was not part of our lives, a mere four months ago.
And I realize that, somehow, Miles has always been a part of our lives. We just didn't know it, yet.
*He's not bald - his hair is just really short, and really blonde! :)