Thursday, February 17, 2011

Dermatologist Appointment From Hell

As promised, from yesterday.  Remember that this was all part of the evil plot of my arch-nemesis, Tuesday.

Scene: The Dermatologist's Waiting Room
Time: 9:00 am, Tuesday* Morning

Miles ran around the waiting room screaming his fool head off, leaving a trail of cheerios and soy milk, as I tried desperately to complete the endless pages of pointless paperwork that were required before they would even let us back into a room.  I tried, desperately, to control him, offering him everything from toys to cookies, to no avail.  After fifteen minutes of this, I finally gave up and sped through the paperwork, while my son did his best impression of a banshee.

Every patient and receptionist in the room gave me with that disapproving, "Control your child" look.  Except one mom, with her perfectly-behaved four-year-old girl-child, who looked at me with pity.  I tried to ignore it, finally finished the paperwork, then cleaned cheerios off the floor, scooped up Miles, and his sippy cup, and his snack cup, and my purse, and took all of it up to the front desk.  As I was dropping off paperwork, and trying not to up-end my bag, Miles took a dive for the floor, and the stench of dirty diaper whacked me across the face.  I excused myself, changed him, and returned just in time to be called back (finally) to see a doctor.

We had been in the office for fifteen minutes.  It felt like days.

Once in the room, I answered questions about Miles' medical history and the Devil's Rash that covered him from top to toe, while Miles generally did absolutely everything he shouldn't.  He opened and closed the drawers.  He pulled the sheet off the bed.  He screamed.  He wanted up.  He dove for the floor.  He rustled through my bag until he found the secret stash of animal crackers, and then begged for them, "Cook! Cook!" until I finally gave in out of desperation.

He sat quietly for about 90 seconds while I answered more detailed questions.  Then, he asked for more "Cook!"  Ad nauseum.

Exit Doctor Assistant Lady (DAL).  Five more minutes of Chaos in a Tiny Room.  Enter Doctor Dermatologist Lady (DDL). More questions.  More chaos.  Ad nauseum.

Exit Doctor Dermatologist Lady (DDL), in search of Big Wig Doctor Dermatologist Lady (BWDDL).  Five more minutes of Chaos in a Tiny Room.  Enter both Doctor Dermatologist Ladies (DDL & BWDDL).  More questions.  More chaos.  Ad nauseum.

In the end, it was determined that Something Terrible (but Unidentifiable, apparently) is wrong with his skin.**  Prescriptions were written.  Good-byes were said.  The Monster was re-dressed, and the door finally opened.

Exit Bedraggled Mommy, chasing Mini-Monster of Doom, running at top speed through the maze of hallways.

Then, we had to stop to check out.  While at the desk, I managed to finally succeed in dumping the entire contents of my bag on the floor, and Miles fell flat on his face, in front of everyone who was waiting in line, giving me that, "Control your child and get your shit together, I'm tired of waiting on you" look.  And, we had to make a follow-up appointment.

It's set for Tuesday.  My arch-nemesis is good.

*See, I told you.  Evil plot.  Arch-nemesis.  It's all there.

**Wonderful.  So glad that two specialists were able to collaborate to come up with this gem of a diagnosis.


  1. But is this appointment also set during Sesame Street? If so, then Tuesday is truly the most devious arch-nemesis ever in existence.

  2. I just want to give you a hug and an ice cream after all that!
    Oh, and I'm now scared of my future.

  3. I have SO been there. I have to go once a month, and I always plan a trip to Jimmy Johns (my fav sandwich shop) afterward. No matter how bad Asher is, I know good things are coming. The nurse that is always with my dermatologist had her son within days of Asher so there is a lot more sympathy that what you went through. Prayers up that it will go smoother next time :) I hope the prescriptions help!!! Hang in there!!!