Monday, February 21, 2011

Bad Mommy Mondays

I know you've been anxiously awaiting the return of this beautiful little list, since I took last week off for Valentine's Day.  Well, the ooey-gooey-ness must have worn off, because this week, I have plenty to add to my litany of bad deeds.  Enjoy!
  1. I let him wander all the way across the gym from me.  Seriously, some psycho mom could snatch him up and run away with him.  Well, she could if she wasn't so busy helicoptering around her own little cherub, at least. . . 
  2. My house is a disaster pretty much all the time.  I don't even care anymore.  Untidyness runs rampant, and I am fighting a losing battle.  <shrug>  At least I keep the floor clean, since:
  3. Miles may, on occasion, eat food off of the floor.  I mean, it's not like it's everyday, or anything (it is), and it's not like it's every meal (it so is).  And at least I try to stop him, right? (I don't).  To be fair, though, if I threw away every piece of food he ever dropped on the floor, our grocery bill would be in the thousands of dollars a week.  Seriously.
  4. Miles plays video games already.  Yep.  And he's entirely obsessed with the computer.  I've already set the poor little guy on the road toward nerd-hood. . . Oh, wait.  That's not a bad thing. 
  5. I actually allowed my poor child to grow a mullet.  And I didn't even realize it.  <hangs head in shame>
  6. My kid did some of his earliest teething on a pickle.  True story.
  7. For Miles' first birthday, a bunch of us went to the zoo.  No, we didn't rent it out, and no, I didn't plan it for six whole months.  It was a last-minute decision, and it was fun.  Apparently, I should have stressed about it more, but frankly?  I saw no reason to.
  8. I bribe my kid with cookies.  When you're sitting in the Dermatologist's office, and your son suddenly becomes a manic, destructive mini-monster, then you can judge me.  Meanwhile, pass the cookies.
  9. I can't always control my kid.  Sometimes, no matter what I do, he runs screaming around the room like a banshee.  See #8 for an example of my failed efforts.
  10. My kid rarely wears socks unless we're going somewhere that requires shoes.  His feet sweat, he overheats, and he gets cranky.  Apparently, allowing him this minor comfort is allowing him to rule the roost already.  Meh.  We already knew that . . . :)

1 comment:

  1. oh good! this is becoming a habit. my weekly chance to be really evil and insulting!!! :0D

    1. before i get going id like to say i now have a personal reason to disklike you... "helicoptering around her own little cherub" just made me spray coffee out my nose and all over my new computer. >:0\
    2. im surprised you can even find your kid under that mess! just dissorderly thats what you are!
    3. whatever. ive been there and i know you dont even bother to put his food on the table any more. you just pile it directly on the floor next to the dogs food. who, by the way, even gets the courtesy of a bowl.
    4. oh god. you should start feeling bad for all the wedgies he is going to get in highschool now.
    5. what are you even ashamed of!? here in the south thats a hair cut to be proud of! ask jim bob here. me an his paw have been growing out his power mullet since he was born.
    6. well at least its not the juice thing again. sheesh but have you hear that research shows if you give child under the age of 1 things that are pickled theres a 80% chance of him developing a lisp and ending up with a taped together pair of glasses. again. you are responsible for his wedgies. i hope you are happy
    7. you dont care about him at all. hes going to forever remember that you did not spend the equivalent of 3 months rent on his first birthday and forever have an inferiority complex about this.
    8. you are a terrible person. i NEVER bribe my child. i give them an "incentive" of a cookie. totally different.
    9. silence is golden....duct tape is sliver
    10. hes going to catch pneumonia and croup and ebolla cause you dont make him wear sweaty socks. you WANT your kid to be sick i think.