Battles & Blessings

Battles:

• Dreary weather that sapped my energy for much of the week.
• Lack of sleep.  Which could, conceivably, have contributed to my lack of energy . . . Nah, it must have been the weather. :)
• Food poisoning from dinner on Thursday, and an all-day headache on Friday.  Seriously, I'd love to get through a whole week without being sick.
• The beginning of time-outs.  Just for toys, so far, but already, they bring The Tantrums.  Yipe.
• Miles has begun to test the limits of: his abilities, his behavior, and my sanity.
• Picking him up to do something he doesn't want to do leads to the introduction of the heavy, wriggling, slippery jello-creature.  Normal, but annoying.

Blessings:

• My toddler is normal.  I have to keep remembering that these tantrums and assertions of independence are normal toddler behaviors.  And that's a good thing in the end.  God grant me the patience to survive it, though. :)
• A lovely day at work on Tuesday, and a lovely day of adventures with my son on Thursday.  All in all, it could have been a much worse week. 
• Patrick.  He is so patient, and supportive.  He has done bedtime every night this week, even though I know he's tired.
• Portrait Club membership that allow me to get Miles' pictures taken as often as I like.  I've already gone twice this month . . . 
• Dominic, who has saved my sanity on more than one occasion this week.
• A workplace that allows (and encourages) my son to come along, and accepts all that he brings with him (i.e. chaos, destruction, screaming tantrums, etc.)
• Internet friends. 
• Friends I know 'in real life'. :)
• Craigslist for its integral role in ridding our home of more useless junk. :)
• Reese's Puffs cereal.  So.freaking.good.  
• Hot tea. Warm blanket.  Cuddly dog.
• Unexpected cuddle naps with my boy. Bliss.

Friday Photos!

Chillin' in the stroller.

Lookin' sharp - a preview of things to come. :)

Carrying a happy bucket of popcorn.

Armed and dangerous.  Just in case there are
foes on this side of the couch.

 Happy Friday!

So, Easter Was Sunday

And it was a marvelously perfect day.

We slept in.  A little.  As much as you can with a toddler.

We laughed as Miles jumped up and down with excitement over his Easter basket.

We had a relaxing morning of lazing around in our jammies.

We took a nice, long afternoon nap.

We colored Easter eggs.

We had dinner with friends who have become family.

Overall, a rather perfect day.

Wearing the 'Working Mom' Hat

Yesterday was wonderful.

It was a typical day at the office - complete with fires to be put out (figuratively), meltdowns to be managed (also figuratively), and a hyper toddler screaming with joy as he made laps around the office (very definitely literally).

It was a day full of moments that are so very indicative of my life.

Like the moment when Miles was playing with my office phone, talking to the invisible person on the other end, and taking notes.  Meanwhile, I was using one hand to hold down the phone button (so he wasn't actually calling people), and the other to scroll through a document I was proofing.

Or the moment when I was sitting in a co-worker's office, discussing our budget for the year, and Miles came running in, wrapping himself around my legs, before shooting off to give hugs to someone else.

Or the moment when, while making corrections to a document, I heard the sound of running water and had to run to stop Miles from playing in the water cooler.  Again.

Miles falling asleep on my chest at lunch, while I finished off my tacos, and discussed business and life with my boss.

My monkey-boy, climbing up to sit on my desk and play with my pens, taking them out of the cup, and putting them back again, over and over and over, while I worked.

Answering the phone, only to have Miles ask if he could 'call mah-maw'.  When I informed him that Grammy was working, he said, "call gpaw?"  And then talked to his Grandpa for about ten minutes.

Miles dancing to the rhythm of the copy machine.

Generating staging solutions while Miles went on a site walk with our grounds coordinator and my boss, and enjoying the rare gift of being able to focus on one thing at a time.

Kissing a finger that had been pinched by a toy.

Rolling up pant legs.  Repeatedly.

Laughing at my son's obvious joy in a rather loud toot.  And then watching everyone clear the room from his stench.

Following Miles through the office at the end of the day, so he could wave bye-bye and blow kisses to everyone.  Twice.

What a beautiful, perfect day.

Rock!

As I have mentioned on a few occasions, Miles seems to be in love with all animals, wherever he encounters them.  Whether it's the neighbor's dog, our cat deigning to come upstairs for a few moments, or the goats at the children's farm, Miles has a deep love for all creatures.

And, as you can imagine, this love is not limited to living creatures, but also extends to stuffed animals and the like.  One of his favorites is the rocking horse he got from his grandfather for Christmas.  He loves to rock on it, shouting "Rock!" at the top of his lungs over and over again.

Yesterday afternoon, I turned on the television for a few minutes' reprieve.  I had intended to turn to Qubo, but the reception was horrific, and thus, nothing would come on.  So, I was flipping channels, trying to find anything else to entertain him for a few moments.  I stopped on each channel, only to have him shake his head and say, "uh-uh", time after time.  Until I got to PBS, and a documentary about wild horses in the Rockies.  He stared, enthralled, for a few seconds, then whispered in awe, "Rock."

We watched that documentary for a full thirty minutes before I finally turned it off. :)

Battles & Blessings

Battles:

• Sinus infection from hell.  Combined with dizziness, which led to nausea.  Grump.  That's my only real battle from this week, but it was a doozy.

Blessings:

• Patrick.  He stayed home from work almost all week to take care of Miles (and me - I'm a big ol' baby when I'm sick).
• Internet.  When I couldn't get off the couch, at least my internet was there to entertain me.
• Television on-demand.  For the same reason.
• At least this wasn't a week where I was required to be somewhere.  I guess that's a blessing in and of itself.
• I'm finally getting over the sickies.  Finally.
• Easter is tomorrow!!!  And I'm coloring eggs with Miles later!!!  So excited!!! (Can you tell?!?)

Friday Photos!

"Whatchu lookin' at, Mom-mom?"

Looking way too grown up.

He laid down on the floor, threw a leg over the
dog, and fell sound asleep for the next two hours. 

Waiting patient-ly for the doctor.

Amusements

I'm still sick.  My brain actually hurts from the effort of thinking.  So, every post I tried to write came out as pure gibberish.  Instead, enjoy some amusing little gems I found, thanks to that wonderful tool, the internet.

Confessions

Just a few things I need to get off my chest:

• I can never remember how old I am.  After turning 21, it just didn't matter that much anymore.  It is a tad embarrassing when someone asks my age and I have to do the math.
• I have a ridiculously intense sweet tooth.  There is not enough sugar in the world to satisfy it.  I have taken to hiding my favorite candy, so I don't have to worry about Miles trying to 'share' it.
• I'm pretty sure I enjoy Sesame Street much more than Miles does.  Except for Elmo.  I just don't get the draw of that annoying little monster.
• I used to daydream about what it would be like to have children.  Now, the one thing I daydream about more than anything else is sleeping for as long as I want without interruption.
• I hate heels.  Mainly because they make me walk like a drunk penguin.
• I am trying really hard to ignore the fact that Miles has taken to saying something that sounds frighteningly close to, "Oh, shit."
• I am addicted to Desperate Housewives, even though I know it's worse than any soap opera on daytime television.  I just can't get enough of it's cheesy, over-the-top drama.  And yes, I am totally biting my nails over every little plot hook.  It's pretty sad, really.

Long Weekend

I hate making weekend trips home.

Let me clarify.  I love going home.  I love visiting everyone, and spending time with family, and being in a place that holds my entire childhood within a thirty-mile radius.

I hate that there never seems to be enough time.  Going home for a weekend means leaving after Patrick gets home from work on Friday night, and arriving after Miles' bedtime.  It means spending a day and a half seeing everyone we know.  My mother.  My father and grandfather.  My sister.  Patrick's parents and sisters.  Patrick's grandmother, who is sweet enough to give us crash space every time we visit.  Needless to say, there's just not enough time to spend quality time with everyone.

And this weekend, we went home for their Renaissance Festival, accompanied by Bethany and Shelby and Stacey.  Which meant that most of Saturday was reserved for that.  I ended up getting to spend time with my mother, but only because I wasn't feeling well, and didn't want to be a downer at the Festival.  But I never got to see my dad, my grandpa, or my sister.  Which stinks.  And I got to see my in-laws, but only very briefly, since they were all busy running the Festival.

Add in the fact that I spent the weekend battling a sinus infection (which was diagnosed yesterday), and that Miles was uber-clingy and whiny for much of the weekend, and it became a less-than-ideal weekend.

I miss everyone so much, and I just wish there was a way to spend as much time as I want with each of them.  But, for now, I have to get as much as possible out of these whirlwind weekends.

<sigh>

Lessons of Mommyhood

Ah, we mommies never stop learning.  A few gems from recent events:

1. Dog farts and dirty diapers smell about the same.
• The dog should not be allowed to sleep on the back of the couch.
• Especially with his butt next to my head.
• Most especially when he is gassy.  Ew.
2. Boys start their obsession with all things gross at a very young age.  Miles already finds it hysterical to shove his dirty, stinky socks at my nose for a sniff.  Ew.
3. Rocking horses can do somersaults.
• Miles thinks it's hilarious.
• Mommy's heart starts beating again about twenty minutes after said event.
4. I am outnumbered in my family.  It's about time I face it.  Daddy and Miles love to team up to make Mommy scream, via tickling or cold fingers against bare skin.  Both think it's hilarious.  Note to self: check out daughter-rental programs.
5. Duplos are like little plastic land mines.  Your foot will never lose those four circular impressions.
6. You should really count your toddler's number of words before seeing the doctor.  Otherwise, you're bound to tell her he has about 20-25 words, when he really has more than fifty.
7. Always check for snot before giving the toddler a kiss.  Some of it is deceptively clear, but still just as slimy.
8. Bad days can sometimes be solved with a mid-day bath.  Especially if it lasts more than an hour.  It's worth it, even if the bathroom will never be the same after that much splashing.
9. Naps are sacred.  Never interrupt them for any reason.  Ever.  To do so invokes Raging Crazy Mama.  It's not pretty.
10. Toddlers will do anything to keep you from taking away something they want to play with.  Even if it means throwing it down the stairs to keep it away from you.  Logic has not entered the little mind, yet.

Out of Town

Visiting family.  See you all tomorrow!

Battles & Blessings

Battles:

• Allergies.
• Teething.
• Growth spurt.
• Wednesday, as a whole.
• Lack of sleep, due to all of the above.
• Lack of motivation, due to lack of sleep.
• Lack of seeing friends, due to sheer busy-ness of everyone.
• Too much to do.  No real desire to do any of it.
• Monday.  Casting is stressful.  Cranky toddler is stressful.  Combined, it was, well, a battle.

Blessings:

• Claritin for kids.  Miles is now feeling a little better.
• Oranges and other soft food that don't hurt his teeth.
• Growth spurt is slowing down.
• Coffee.
• Having a completed cast list.
• Dinner with the cast on Monday night.  So much excitement!
• Dinner with Ninell on Sunday.  Delicious pasta, and delightful company.
• Television.  I hate to admit it, but when Miles is in a mood, TV helps us both keep our sanity.
• Medicine, that is helping me cope with life.
• Friends who offer help with Miles when I need it most.
• Warm weather, and cool thunderstorms.
• A chance to visit family this weekend. :)

Friday Photos!

Enjoy! 

Pontificating on his soap box . . .er, chair. . . again.

The wind-up

And the pitch!

  

Mommy, I lost the baseball! :(

Seriously, mom?  I was sad and you took a picture? <sigh>

Breakthrough

Yesterday was awful.  Completely and utterly awful.  Like Tuesday was biding her time to strike a day late.  Yeah, that kind of awful.

Miles is still working on getting those canines.  At least one of them is almost completely in.  The other three have all broken the surface, at least, but he won't let me look in his mouth long enough to evaluate past that.  Regardless, the poor kid is still a drooling mess of teething.  And he's still going through that growth spurt, though it appears to be winding down.

Now, we've added seasonal allergies to the mix.  The poor kid is forever rubbing his watery eyes, and snuffling his nose - which is leaking like a faucet all.the.time.  And when he sneezes?  I'm not even going to give you that visual.  Just trust that it's entirely disgusting.

To top it all off, Miles woke up at 5:00 am yesterday morning.  And stayed awake.  He had his 18 month well child check at the doctor.  It was an hour of whiny, cranky, clingy toddler in a tiny room, asking repeatedly to go bye-bye.  He was so upset, the doctor had a hard time making all of the checks she needed to make.  And then, as the final insult, he had to get a shot.  He hasn't carried on that much about a vaccine since his first ones at two months old.  It was dreadful.

Miles fell asleep in the car on the way home, so I opted to pick Patrick up for a quick drive-through lunch.  After a twenty-five minute nap, Miles woke up, cranky, and more tired than before.  The afternoon was no better.  He whined and carried on, screaming if I was not touching him for more than a few seconds.  Eventually, he passed out on my lap, and slept for another 45 minutes.  And woke up cranky.

In short, it was the sort of day that usually throws me into multiple panic attacks, and leaves me crying and shaking in a corner by the time Patrick gets home from work.

Not yesterday.  I was frustrated.  I was exasperated.  But I was calm.  At one point, panic crept in, threatening at the edges, waiting for an opportunity to take over.  And I managed to fight it off.  With a lot of effort and a little bit of time and luck, I banished that panic from my body.

The meds are beginning to work.  Yesterday was proof.

Growing Up

Remember this adorable shot?  Miles was only about two months old.  It remains one of my favorite pictures of him.

Then, when he was about six months old, I took this photo for comparison.

Here he is again.  Same basket.  At 18 months old.  It's crazy to see how much he's grown, no?

My baby is growing up so quickly!

No Update Today

We cast our show yesterday.  All 130-some members of it, so far.  I is exhausted.

Lessons of Mommyhood

In place of Bad Mommy Mondays, I've opted to start a new tradition called Lessons of Mommyhood..  It could have also been called "Things Motherhood Has Taught Me", but that's just a mouthful.

So, with no further adieu, the Lessons of Mommyhood: Chapter 1.

1. Always check pockets, openings, socks, etc. for crayons before putting clothes in the washer.  Yellow and green spots on every piece of clothing are never in style. (Sadly. . .)
2. If you didn't heed #1, stain remover and extremely hot water will remove crayon stains. Yay!
3. No matter how cute it seemed at first, every noise-making toy becomes annoying after the millionth iteration.
4. Dogs are better than vacuum cleaners when it comes to cleaning up toddler crumbs.  Unfortunately, they're not so good at cleaning up the small bits of trash that toddlers create.  Note to self: teach dog to throw away trash.
5. My drink is far more interesting than his.  Even if mine is empty.
6. If the toddler has hidden his cup, and it has been missing for more than a week, just plan to throw it away when you find it.  That stench will never come out.
7. "Baby-proofing" is seen as a challenge to toddlers.  If there's a way to defeat it, they will find it.  If there is no way to defeat it, they will use their toddler magic to make one.
8. Nothing is out of reach for a creative child. Nothing.
9. It's only fun if it makes a huge mess.
10. Kisses and love solve every hurt.  This is as true for Mommy as it is for Miles.

Perfect Saturday

Waking to bird song outside the open window.

Realizing that it's 9:00 am - a full hour and half later than Miles usually sleeps.

Spending a lazy morning lounging on the couch cuddling and wrestling with Miles.

Playing outside in the sunshine.

Playing catch with my son.

Just breathing and enjoying the day.

Battles & Blessings

Battles:

• Time.  It seems to be working against me this week, and flying by before I have a chance to finish everything I need to do.
• A toddler who is teething (still), and going through a growth spurt.  Add in the crazy weather patterns, and it's been a whiny, clingy week.
• Breathing.  Though, this is partially my own fault, since I forgot to refill my asthma medication.  Add in the massive amounts of allergens in the air, and I am an itchy, breathless mess.
• Finding balance between all of the things I've committed to do, while still managing to take care of myself.  Not an easy task.

Blessings:

• Warm weather.  Oh, how I love being able to go outdoors without a coat.  I just want to bask in the sun all day.
• Baby goats. :)
• A toddler who, even at his worst, is still the sweetest, most cuddly boy ever.  
• Productivity.  Though I haven't managed to finish everything I wanted to this week, I have gotten a lot accomplished this week.  Some things that have been pending for awhile.  It's nice to at least have a start on getting caught up.
• Modern medicine.  With the return of panic attacks last week (because I was dumb and forgot my meds), I appreciate the absence of them even more this week.  Thank goodness for medication that helps me face the world without having a freak-out at random moments.
• Sleep.  Miles has been sleeping in until 8:00 this week (probably due to that growth spurt).  I have taken full advantage of this by ignoring my alarm clock and staying in bed until I hear him squawk.
• Patrick.  As always, he is amazing.  

Friday Photos!

Playing with Aunt B, in her backyard.

Wearing Mommy's headband. :)

Communing with the baby goats.

Taking a break while shopping.  He said, "I sit. I tired."

Exploring a teepee at the children's farm on Tuesday. 

Have a great weekend!

The Goat Whisperer

Tuesday morning, we met up with Miles' friends Elliot and Audri, and their mommies, for a day at the children's farm.  It's this amazing, idyllic little working farm, geared toward teaching children about farm life.  Of course, the kids are mostly interested in petting the animals and playing on the playgrounds.

Except Miles.  I don't know exactly what was going on with him that morning, but he was whiny and unhappy the entire time we were there.  I had opted to leave the stroller at home, since normally he won't sit in it for more than a minute or two at a time.  Unfortunately, that left me carrying him all morning, since he had no desire to walk at all.  I had resigned myself to the fact that Miles was not going to enjoy it at all.

And then we saw the baby goats.  Suddenly, he wanted down, to walk into the pen.  The second he came through the gate, half a dozen itty-bitty goats surrounded him, and his delight was palpable.  He petted them, and followed them.  At one point, he even sat down with them.  Several babies surrounded him, nuzzling him gently, and asking for more scratches from his little hands.  The grin never left his face.

Amazing

Do you ever have a moment where you are utterly in awe of the people around you?

I had a moment like that recently.

In my job with the Festival, I work with over 200 performers a year.  Needless to say, there's no way I can form close, personal relationships with every single one of them.  Nevertheless, they all tend to be very sweet, wonderful people.*

Anyway, there is another stay-at-home mom who performs for us.  She and I have always performed in different groups, and have never really gotten to know one another, beyond the basics.

The other day, we were making arrangements for her to bring me some things I needed for work.  In the course of the conversation, she offered to watch Miles for me once in awhile during the day, so I could run errands, or just have a break.

I am so blessed to work with such amazing, giving people.  I cannot believe the incredible selflessness of her offer.  I hope that this season sees the beginnings of a new friendship with this wonderful lady. :)

*For the most part.  As in any job, I occasionally meet people I'd like to drop-kick . . . :)

Litany of Cuteness

I don't do these often enough, considering all of the cute things that Miles does every.single.day.  So, here is a list of some of the latest stuff.  Enjoy!

• When he rides his rocking horse, he shouts "Rock! Rock!" the entire time, and rocks so hard I'm afraid the horse is going to do a somersault. 
• He loves to cuddle with the dog.  And by 'cuddle with', I mean 'lay on'.  The dog gets him back by tickling Miles' feet via licking.  Uncontrolled giggles follow.
• Throws toys and yells "Csh!" [Crash!] when they hit the floor.  Funny when it's a ball.  Not so funny when it's Mommy's cell phone. . .
• He is thisclose to being able to put his pants on all by himself.  He still gets them twisted when he puts them over his legs, and he always forgets to pull up the back, so his butt is always hanging out.  Other than that, though, he's got it down.
• He runs to the window, yelling "Truck! Truck!" every time the garbage truck or a delivery truck drives by.  Pulling him away from the window before the truck is out of sight is absolutely impossible.
• He pats his leg, and makes kissy noises to call Dominic.  If the dog doesn't come right away, Miles says, "Doggy!" in a really growly voice.  It cracks me up.
• Miles loves to get treats (chews, really) for Dominic.  I open the cabinet, and Miles reaches in and selects two treats, which he then happily gives to the dog.  
• He calls anything sweet a "cook!" [cookie].  Even fruit. :)
• When we watch television in the morning, he loves to lounge against me.  I drink my coffee, and he sips on his milk.  It's a nice, low-key way to start our day.
• He climbs all over our bed while I get dressed in the morning, usually jumping up, and tossing himself into the pillows, yelling "csh!" the whole time.
• Alternately, he will lay down on the bed, pull the covers up to his chin and take a few deep breaths through his nose, pretending to sleep.
• When he sees me putting on deodorant, he points to it, signs please, and then raises his arms.  I tickle his armpits with it, after I've put the lid on.
• If you ask him if he's stinky, he'll sniff really loudly.  If he really is stinky, he'll follow that up with "yesh".
• He now says "maa-maw", when he wants to talk to grandma, and "g'paw" for grandpa.  It's pretty stinkin' cute.
• When you ask for a hug, Miles will curl up on your chest and cuddle in.  Melt.

Bad Mommy Mondays

At this point, making a list of all of the things I've been judged for recently is a bit counter-productive.  I will re-start Bad Mommy Mondays when I have gotten my anxiety under control.

Thanks for understanding.

Notes to Self

1) Take your damned pills.  Every.single.night.  Failure to do so will result in multiple, uncontrollable panic attacks at extremely inconvenient times.  Like in the middle of a photo session with your son.  Not fun.

2) If you've forgotten your pills, and have barely recovered from your last, physically painful panic attack, going to a crowded buffet for dinner is a bad idea.  Seriously.  Don't do it.

3) Going to the craft store in the last couple of hours before they close, however, is a good idea.  The smell reminds you of happy things, and helps calm you down.  Also, the prospect of craft projects gives your mind something to focus on.  And so long as everything is on sale, you can even justify a smidge of retail therapy.  Which also helps.

4) Your husband deserves a medal for dealing with all of this, fielding Miles the entire time, and still being in a happy, upbeat mood.  Definitely a medal.  Or a cake.  He may prefer a cake.

Battles & Blessings

Battles:

• Still dealing with the panic attacks, though they're less frequent.  They still suck.
• Not enough sleep all week.  My own fault, certainly, but still makes life interesting.
• Two days of work this week.  Miles is not finding it interesting in the least.  Unless, of course, he's wreaking havoc across the office.  Still seeking solutions.
• Keeping the house clean.  Somehow, I just cannot seem to manage this.  Grrrr.
• Staying one step ahead of Miles.  Getting more and more difficult.
• In relation to that last one, we lost a ton of audition appointments when Miles found a way to climb onto the table, open my laptop, and delete things at random.  
• Being nice to people who piss me off.  This is always a battle for me.  I just want to punch them. :(

Blessings:

• Modern medicine.  Panic attacks are fewer and further between.  And starting to become manageable.
• An awesome boss, who is very understanding when I have to split my focus between work and child-wrangling.  Also, he loves Miles.  Bonus. :)
• A relatively low-key week, even with everything that is going on.
• Aunt Ninell, who baby-sat last night to make our lives a little easier.
• All of the amazing support I have received from everyone, particularly in response to my PPA diagnosis, but also, just in general.  I have the best support system ever. :)
• My amazing and wonderful son, who keeps me laughing, even when I'm having a bad day.
• My wonderful husband, who is always there to give me exactly what I need.

The End of Friday Photos

I just don't have enough cute pictures to do this every week.  I'll post pictures when I have a chance, but it won't be on Fridays anymore.*




*April Fool's. :D

Friday Photos!

Lining up toys on the bathtub rim: the newest toddler pastime. :)

A rare pensive pose.

Coloring at the library.

Playing in his drawer in the kitchen. :)