Monday, April 18, 2011

Lessons of Mommyhood

Ah, we mommies never stop learning.  A few gems from recent events:
  1. Dog farts and dirty diapers smell about the same.
    • The dog should not be allowed to sleep on the back of the couch.
    • Especially with his butt next to my head.
    • Most especially when he is gassy.  Ew.
  2. Boys start their obsession with all things gross at a very young age.  Miles already finds it hysterical to shove his dirty, stinky socks at my nose for a sniff.  Ew.
  3. Rocking horses can do somersaults.
    • Miles thinks it's hilarious.
    • Mommy's heart starts beating again about twenty minutes after said event.
  4. I am outnumbered in my family.  It's about time I face it.  Daddy and Miles love to team up to make Mommy scream, via tickling or cold fingers against bare skin.  Both think it's hilarious.  Note to self: check out daughter-rental programs.
  5. Duplos are like little plastic land mines.  Your foot will never lose those four circular impressions.
  6. You should really count your toddler's number of words before seeing the doctor.  Otherwise, you're bound to tell her he has about 20-25 words, when he really has more than fifty.
  7. Always check for snot before giving the toddler a kiss.  Some of it is deceptively clear, but still just as slimy.
  8. Bad days can sometimes be solved with a mid-day bath.  Especially if it lasts more than an hour.  It's worth it, even if the bathroom will never be the same after that much splashing.
  9. Naps are sacred.  Never interrupt them for any reason.  Ever.  To do so invokes Raging Crazy Mama.  It's not pretty.
  10. Toddlers will do anything to keep you from taking away something they want to play with.  Even if it means throwing it down the stairs to keep it away from you.  Logic has not entered the little mind, yet.

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